Living Anew

“A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes.”

–Mahatma Ghandi

Last July I was hit with a lightning bolt. It changed my entire perspective in life. One month later, I feel like I have been living an entirely new way, with more confidence, more love and more understanding. It’s invigorating!

I had been praying often about the funk I was in, about how wishy-washy I was for the smallest of decisions. Like, which font should I use? Is this really the best sale price or will I kick myself because I saw it for three cents cheaper. I even had some bigger questions like, is this really what I’ve become? do I need a paycheck to validate me? This crazy spell, some kind of hold was in me, it wouldn’t let me go forward and chase my dreams. I had started a business last year and just couldn’t get over this hump. It wasn’t fear. There is such a thing…ya know, being fearful of success. You can google it – there is so much stuff to read. Looking back now, I know this wasn’t it.

(photo credit CK) My lighting bolt moment came while I was at my CODA conference. CODA is Children of Deaf Adults, it’s a great conference filled with people with my similar background. Being hearing as a child and growing up in a Deaf household. Balancing the two worlds. I’ve been a member in one way or another with CODA since 1996 and have met some pretty amazing people. While at conference, I was just “stuck” just really stuck and I knew all the things I had to do to get out of my funk. I knew all of the angles to my problem, but couldn’t “release” it. With my very sweet friends, they sat with me one afternoon and just kept grilling me. Why? Why? and Why? Then the AHA moment arrived. I found out what was holding me back. Let’s just say it has to do with family and my life as a Coda. I thanked God for allowing me to come to peace with the negative energy within me.

After letting go…I have been amazed how it affected me this last month? I’ve always been outgoing, honest, motivated…for others. Finally, I’m able to do those things for ME too. It’s an amazing feeling. It’s actually so freeing for me now. My dreams are clearer. I knew I had them, but due to the fog going around in my head, I lost track of them.

So, I am pursuing my acting more, on track to train and become a professional speaker, and just being happy with what I am doing at this very moment. (sidenote, that was not a plug for Manitowoc’s slogan – At this very moment – but it could apply, since I live in Manitowoc).

I’ll admit in the last month it hasn’t been all rosey. Life still goes on and some of it gets complicated. With my new view on life, I am able to still be how I am, without losing focus of my needs. I believe that if we don’t take care of ourselves then we cannot take care of others. It’s like the airplane oxygen mask. You have to put yours on first before you can take care of others. (I heard that somewhere else, can’t take credit for the analogy).

I’m just learning more on how to have time to focus, pray and do what I am put on this Earth to do. All the while, shaping myself, my family and our future. It puts a smile on my face – every single day. On the tough days, there might not be a smile, but my mind is still clear and focused. The smile usually appears at some point.

How are you living life? Have you found a formula to incorporate your dreams? Did you ever have this “AHA” moment too?